Birthday of the Birthday Cake

FYI: The Greeks were allegedly the first ones to put candles on a cake celebrating someone's birth in 55 BC. I wonder if their cakes smelled as bad as their salads...

So here's the deal. I complained and groaned and moaned and grumbled and whined and nagged and griped and lamented about the fact that no one remembered my birthday (MARCH 3). To make it worse, the people that did remember and were going to "surprise" me with a cake didn't even bother to get one. I haven't "forgotten". I haven't "stopped going on about it". I haven't "let it go". I am "holding a grudge". I am "slightly bitter". I would never be "that insensitive".

Whatever.

Apparently I forgot PP's birthday. It was last Thursday. I "remembered" Monday. I am sorry. I am a bad friend. It's okay though. It seems that all of my "friends" decided to go on a white water rafting expedition to celebrate Kimmy's birth. Without me. I heard that there was cake and candles and singing. Without me. I get nothing. No card. No cake. No presents. She gets a 3-day planned outing/celebration with all her nearest and dearest (except me). I am nothing. Apparently.

Someday I hope you all grow up and realize that it's not all about you.

Or her.

Happy Birthday, Princess Pretty.
May your reign be long and may you never fall off a turret and land in the moat.
Love ya!

Somedays You Just Feel Mean

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

When you're ten years old, and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he was nice, that he just didn't know how to show it. The meanest man in town, I said, was the mean old guy who lived in the big white house. "THAT'S MISTER SWENSON," they said. Oh, my mistake.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?

Ah...now I feel better.

For more Jack Handey visit www.alexras.info/edeep.php?action=view_all

Stick Your Tongue Out Day

Interesting facts about tongues:

• A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.
• A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.
• A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
• A pig's tongue contains 15 000 taste buds. The human tongue has 9000 taste buds.
• The anteater's tongue can stretch to the height of a two-year old child.
• The archerfish uses its tongue like a squirt gun to shoot down its prey.
• The gecko swipes its tongue back and forth like windshield wipers to clean its eyes.
• A blue whale's tongue is the same size and weight as a full-grown African elephant.
• The emperor moth starts life with a large tongue, but the time it has reached maturity, its tongue has shrunk away to nothing. Unable to feed, the moth eventually dies of starvation.

Worth waiting for, wasn't it?

:P

PP (and Not Neves') Big Adventure

Click, Chopsticks, Covers and Jack Black
(aka 3Cs and Ant)

Let me explain. The Desperate Housewives decided that they would escape to the big city for a night of...of...well, I'm not sure which adjective to use here. Let's just say we saw a puddle and we jumped in it. The fun began when I left my purse on the ferry. Fortunately, PP's in-laws retrieved it for me and left it with Morris the wharf dude. Onward and upward. We then met Kirk and his siblings at the theatre where we enjoyed Click...a comedical drama about a flap-slapping man, his duck-humping dog(s) and a remote control. I laughed, I cried, I snorted, I sobbed uncontrollably whilst PP made insensitive comments. If it hadn't been for the passionate (Eskimo) kiss she shared with me before the show, I may have been highly insulted.

After the show, Scott and Finn (aka Gill) met us in the parking lot, whereupon we decided to grab a bite at Boston Pizza. (I was still hungry, even after the $7 "pretzel dog" from the movie. Nummy.) During supper, I learned a number of things: Scott suffers from Catagelophobia (fear of being ridiculed, especially by waitresses) but not from Sinophobia (fear of the Chinese or Chinese culture). Gillian can never be invited to wings night because she is highly intolerant of things that may or may not be hot, including jalapeno peppers and girls in revealing shirts. Cactus Cut Potatoes are delicious.

Next, we raced (Literally. PP won.) over to the Garden Street Irving (not the one by Harbour Station) where Nacho, Scott & Fishy piled into the PPmobile and we all headed over to Elwood's for the Three Season Ant concert, a truly one-of-a-kind experience. Front row seats to an awesome Christian band...$5. Being recognized by Jack Black....scrumtralescent. Hanging out at a bar with or without your pastor and best buds...priceless.

After the concert we all headed to Beulah land for the night. Swimmy, PP and I enjoyed a restful night at the Sr. Rayner's cottage, where I singlehandedly broke both a blind and the toilet. Then it was back to Grand Manan, but not before a stop at the mall (FYI: The mall opens at 10 a.m.) to buy film. We left the mall at roughly 10:26 and still made the 11 o'clock ferry home. This was because:
a) PP drives like Ricky Bobby running from Tom Cruise;
b) we were being rewarded for our valiant 4.85 minute effort to speak life into each other;
c) the boat was late and there was minimal tourist traffic, or
d) that's what's so amazing about grace...we receive gifts we don't deserve.

Since all my fellow bloggers are off to the land of corn and whine (?), I shan't be posting for a while. 'Til then, feel free to celebrate:
July 8- Be a Kid Again Day
July 9- Barn Day (Scott may or may not have been born in one 20 years ago today)
July 10- Don't Step on a Bee Day
July 11- National Cheer Up the Lonely Day
July 12- Cow Appreciation Day
July 13- International Puzzle Day (birthday of Erno Rubik 1944, inventor of Rubik's Cube)
July 14- Corkboard Birthday 1891 (aka Stick-It Day)
July 15- Be a Dork Day/National Tapioca Pudding Day

TTFN

Dog Days of Summer

Today begins the Dog Days of Summer. I'm not really sure what that means, but to one dog I know (Daisy) it means being tied to a lawnchair on a hot beach. (It could also mean being "romanced" by a big black lab, but that is another story for another day.)

I have a couple of praise notes for today: the sunshine and friends. If you have suffered through my last few posts (or skipped them entirely and commented nonetheless)...well, you know what I mean. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who make me laugh, encourage me, correct me, teach me. I want to be just like you when I (don't) grow up! By that I mean that each of you encourage me to be a little bit more myself and are helping me to realize that's okay...

PP - You help me confess my secret sins and encourage my dependence on the only One with the answers to the tough questions. You encourage me by making me realize that I am not the only one that has things in my life that I'm less than proud of and show me that doesn't make me a freak, it makes me normal.

Scott - You have made me look at the things I say and do in relation to how they are going to make someone else feel. And even though I know that you aren't usually listening to me, you always make me feel like you are. (And you taught me my new favourite word...it used to be tepid, so that just goes to show...)

Scott's Truck - You have taught me that even if I look dirty on the outside, on the inside I'm still one sweet piece of machinery. And it's what's on the inside that really matters.

Nacho Colossus - You make me want to be less like Martha (take off my An Album Cover) and let loose. And at the very least, to encourage that love of life in my own children. (A word of advice -- even if you never grow up, there does come a time when it is inappropriate to run around naked on a public beach.)

Cassidy/Emmalina - You just make me snort. You make me feel young and alive and funny. Don't ever let anyone or anything steal your joy.

Mike, Donnie & Jodi (Boys & Babe of the Booth) - You have encouraged me but letting me share my faith. You remind me that the opinions of others pale in comparision to the truth that is in your heart. (BTW, Jodo, I still hate you.)

To the rest of you...I love you, too, but I am trying to cut down on the length of my posts (blame You Know Who). Stay tuned for the rest of the story...

PS. Today is also Eat Beans Day. Knock Yurrself out!

Hump Day

Well, today marks the halfway mark of 2006. I'm sitting here trying to think of what I have accomplished so far this year. Instead, what is running through my mind is all the things I still haven't done. Apparently I'm a "the glass is half empty" kind of person...which I am sure is a total shock and surprise to everyone who knows me.

This week is also "Take Charge of Change Week". I really need to change my attitude towards life. I am soooo negative. I like to think of myself as honest, though. It doesn't sound as horrible and it makes me feel better. The truth of the matter is, however, I am just negative and nasty most of the time.

I could blame it on my genes...my whole family (both sides) tend to look for the "but" in every situation. What a beautiful sunny day we had yesterday, BUT it rained for a week before that and it's not giving much better for the week ahead. I get to have two months off for summer vacation, BUT I don't really because I have three rooms I want to clean out, a kitchen to wallpaper and no time to do it because I have two small children.

When I went to Alabama, I thought I would come back and be completely grateful for every little thing I had. I was wrong. It frightens me to think that if I don't change my heart and start to be more appreciative for what God has given me, He is going to start taking things away. At the risk of being negative, I am sucktastic at speaking life.

In Phillipians 4:8, Paul tells the church that they are to think on, weigh, take account of and fix their minds on whatever is true, worthy of reverence, honourable, appropriate, just, pure, lovely and loveable, kind and pleasant and compassionate and anything that is virtuous, excellent and worthy of praise.

Or in the negative (sorry, I'm not quite there yet), don't let your mind be ruled by lies, disrespect, things that are not worthy of praise & honour, are inappropriate, unfair, unclean, unlovely and unloveable, unkind, unpleasant, unfeeling and anything that is unrighteous, less than exceptional and undeserving of our admiration as followers of Christ. Easier said than done. Change is hard because it involves things that don't come easily to us in the flesh...faith, surrender of control, patience. Fruits of the Spirit.

...which presents an interesting Catch 22. In order to be filled with the Spirit, we have to empty ourselves of the flesh. In order to empty ourselves of self, we need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Now I'm more confused than ever.

GODSTOP: My husband. I don't appreciate him enough, but right now I am sitting in bed, watching Coronation Street (finally!), updating my blog, drinking coffee he made for me, while he is downstairs cooking breakfast for the kids and keeping them entertained. Men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky? (Acts 1:11) Sometimes it's right in front of our face.

If you have actually read this whole monologue and made it to the end...thanks. It seems I will be allowed to have my sense of humour back only after I work through some things. My apologies.